According to a study by the Pew Research Center, only 51 percent of Americans are satisfied with their jobs, and Gallup data shows that just 47 percent of people identified as “very satisfied” with their personal lives in 2024. Feeling stuck or dissatisfied is a common experience that many people face at some point in their lives. Whether it’s feeling unfulfilled at work, disconnected in relationships, or put off by someone else’s behavior, these feelings can lead to sadness, resentment, and a desire for change.
Starting over doesn’t have to be as dramatic as it sounds. In fact, the key to real change is recognizing what’s not working, figuring out what will make you more content, and strategizing the healthiest way to initiate change. Marcy Abramsky, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker in New York, emphasizes the importance of taking stock of the positives in your life and building upon them to create a more fulfilling future.
If you find yourself feeling generally unfulfilled, disconnected in your relationships, or put off by someone else’s behavior, it may be time to consider starting over. These feelings can manifest into sadness, resentment, and a desire for change if left unaddressed. Susan Pazak, PhD, a California-based clinical psychologist and coach, suggests that feeling stuck often means feeling dissatisfied or disappointed with where you are in life.
In romantic relationships, disconnection, distrust, or feeling undervalued can signal that it’s time to rethink things. The same goes for friendships, especially if they leave you feeling drained. Marcy Abramsky highlights the importance of recognizing when a friendship is no longer serving you and may be hindering your personal growth.
Regular exposure to someone else’s poor behavior can lead to feelings of dread, discomfort, or even abuse. Instead of counting on the other person to change, focus on your own well-being and decide whether or not the relationship or situation is worth continuing. Susan Pazak emphasizes the importance of prioritizing your emotional well-being and making decisions that align with your core values.
Before embarking on a journey of starting over, ask yourself a few key questions to gain clarity on what you want and need. Start by identifying what you don’t want, as this can help you zero in on your true goals. Once you have a better idea of what you want, envision what a better job, city, friend, or partner looks like to you. Consider whether the situation or person aligns with your core values and if it’s worth continuing. Lastly, determine what changes are necessary to achieve your desired outcome.
Visualizing your goal and breaking it down into manageable steps can help build optimism and motivation for the journey ahead. Jim Afremow, PhD, a sports psychology consultant, emphasizes the importance of keeping your vision top of mind to stay focused on your goals. By visualizing success and taking small, actionable steps towards your goal, you can create a sense of control over your life.
Resilience is key when navigating life’s challenges and setbacks. T. Em Arpawong, PhD, suggests that allowing yourself to experience distress and intrusive thoughts can lead to new possibilities and personal growth. Taking time to reflect on your goals and make informed decisions from a place of calm can help you stay grounded during times of uncertainty.
Reflecting on your experiences and emotions through journaling can be a helpful tool for self-discovery and personal growth. Writing down your goals, setting a date to start making changes, and acknowledging your feelings can help you gain clarity on what brings you joy and fulfillment. Jon Jachimowicz, an assistant professor at Harvard Business School, emphasizes the importance of persistence and passion in pursuing your goals.
Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can provide insight and accountability as you navigate the process of starting over. Gregory Chertok, a sports psychology consultant, suggests talking through your plans with loved ones to make them feel more tangible and real. Voicing your intentions can hold you accountable and provide the necessary encouragement to stay motivated.
Embracing failure as a learning opportunity can lead to greater success in the long run. Dashun Wang, PhD, an associate professor at Northwestern University, highlights the importance of learning from setbacks and using them as motivation to improve. By reframing failure as a stepping stone to growth, you can develop resilience and determination to overcome obstacles.
Quiet your inner naysayer by challenging negative thoughts with positive affirmations and self-talk. Jim Afremow emphasizes the power of positive thinking in overcoming self-doubt and taking risks. By acknowledging negative thoughts and replacing them with affirmations, you can create new neural pathways that support your goals and aspirations.
As you strive toward your goals, it’s natural to experience moments of self-doubt and uncertainty. Xiaodong D. Lin, PhD, a professor at Columbia University, encourages self-reflection and introspection to determine whether your pursuits align with your passions and values. Knowing when to persist and when to pivot is essential for staying true to yourself and pursuing meaningful goals.
Prioritizing self-care and basic needs is crucial for maintaining balance and well-being during times of change and transition. Jim Afremow emphasizes the importance of establishing a foundation of self-care to support your physical and mental health. By attending to your basic needs, you can create a strong and resilient mindset to tackle challenges and pursue your goals.
Seeking guidance from a therapist specializing in Natural Language Processing (NLP) or Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can provide valuable insights and support as you navigate the process of starting over. Marcy Abramsky and Susan Pazak recommend therapy as a tool for gaining clarity, overcoming emotional barriers, and identifying patterns that may be holding you back. Therapy can help you explore your feelings, thoughts, and behaviors in a safe and supportive environment.
Starting fresh may not always result in immediate success or happiness, but it’s a courageous step towards creating a more fulfilling life. Give yourself time to adjust to change and be kind to yourself as you navigate the uncertainties of starting over. Remember that it’s okay to reassess your goals and make new choices if something isn’t working out as planned. Starting over is a journey of self-discovery and growth, and each step forward brings you closer to a more authentic and fulfilling life.
